So I've recently been learning about and seeing different personality disorders and it's fascinating. In fact, you start seeing bits of them in everyone and yourself: OCD, Borderline, Paranoid, Histrionic, Dependent, Avoidant, Schizoid etc. Our teacher said the difference between normal functional people and those with personality disorders is that we can jump between personalities for different coping needs, and are much more flexible than those paralyzed in thier disease. Isn't it interesting that some people can have personalities that are so jacked up, they are pathologic?
What amazes me is how intrigued society is in general about classifying personalities even on the small scale. We love Myers-Briggs, the "which animal are you" or "Four Season's" , "Personality Plus" type of boxing people. Our medical school spent a whole day during orientation testing and discussing personalitues- to "know thyself" before starting classes freshmen year.
I was thinking how much our personalities are tainted by Sin. So much FEAR, and PRIDE, and INSECURITY change who we are so that we become different people in different settings. I began thinking about this after completing my addictions week on psychiatry. Over 9 months, you literally see a personality change in the patients who finish their 12-step rehab programs. The patients learn new coping mechanisms, take control and or release of thier anger, self-pity, arrogance. Is it truly possible to change personality? Is our insecurity or arrogance part of our personality and who we really are deep down?
When we get to Heaven and all our SIN is done away with, I imagine we will see very different people. We will still have a beautiful spectrum of personalities I am sure. But can you imagine it? Who are you without your pride, fears, baggage? I want to meet that person. God is in the process of bringing us there.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
True Love.
I have been thinking about the man, Hosea. God asked him to marry a prostitute who would repeatedly cheat on him. I wonder what his dreams had been growing up? Had he made a list in his heart of the qualities he hoped for in a wife and prayed to God concerning her? Perhaps he had even prayed FOR her before he met her and dreamed about the happy life they would live hand in hand. Oh the places they would go! The memories they would make! And he had waited for her. He had been faithful, pure, and true. Could he ever have imagined that God would write his love story like this?
I will meet Hosea one day. there is one thing I am sure of. He will say it was worth it. To give up all his childhood hopes, dreams and love stories for the sake of the call. For sake of displaying Your message of love to the Isrealites. For the sake of gaining a deeper understanding of Your faithful, loyal, love- it was worth it. For the sake of knowing YOU God- it was overwhelmingly worth it. I don't know how his story in this life ended. But I know that even to this day, books and songs are being written of the mighty love and faithfulness of God because of the obedience of this man. His obedience is still bearing fruit in the lives of Christ followers whenever they read his story. I know he trusted in His God, and was surely not disappointed.
Philippians 3:7-11
I will meet Hosea one day. there is one thing I am sure of. He will say it was worth it. To give up all his childhood hopes, dreams and love stories for the sake of the call. For sake of displaying Your message of love to the Isrealites. For the sake of gaining a deeper understanding of Your faithful, loyal, love- it was worth it. For the sake of knowing YOU God- it was overwhelmingly worth it. I don't know how his story in this life ended. But I know that even to this day, books and songs are being written of the mighty love and faithfulness of God because of the obedience of this man. His obedience is still bearing fruit in the lives of Christ followers whenever they read his story. I know he trusted in His God, and was surely not disappointed.
Philippians 3:7-11
Laughing in medical school
1. Psychiatry
During my recent psych rotation, I was talking to one of my patients who has dementia. He speaks incoherently, word-salad style. I couldn't make sense of anything he was saying and the nurse told me, "Maybe he speaks Spanish." so I asked him how he was doing in Spanish. he then pointedly looked at me and in perfect, coherent well pronunciated English, said, "I don't understand anything you are saying!" I then began to ask him other questions in English and he returned to his jibberish. It was strange.
1. OBGYN
During my OBGYN rotation about 6 wks ago, I was waiting for a young diabetic mother to deliver her baby. She was pushing hard and I was completely gowned up with mask, hair cover, tall booties included. The baby had passed meconium so the mother had been extra infused with fluids to dilute her amniotic fluid. As the baby emerged, i grabbed the head, pulled down, then up and the baby came out- WITH A SUDDEN GUSH OF FLUID LIKE NON OTHER. I have never seen so much fluid rush at me at one time before- like a firehydrant or someone throwing a bucket of dirty water into your face. I had the baby in my hands, and quickly transferred her to the nurse. And after the birth i paused...and realized that I was very very wet. the scrubs under my gown, and the undershirt under my scrubs...completely soaked through...with amniotic fluid. The mask that I had been wearing before ....was no longer on my face.
3. Internal Medicine
i had a drug seeking patient who was homeless, whose family has disowned her, and who last used heroine 3 days ago. She had a lot of chronic diseases (one being uncontrolled hepatitis C which is going to kill her), but she didn''t follow up with any doctor for them because she iwas enslaved to her drug addiction. Her body shows the awful affects of the IV drug use, one being a very large non-healing open hip wound. She is homeless, but her husband takes care of her even though she doesn't live with him and uses him badly.
I was telling my intern about her husband and he said,
intern: "her husband is crazy"
me: "no, he just loves her."
intern: "what kind of love is that?"
me: "that's the real kind of love, the unconditional kind."
::awkward pause::
intern: "don't tell my girlfriend that."
During my recent psych rotation, I was talking to one of my patients who has dementia. He speaks incoherently, word-salad style. I couldn't make sense of anything he was saying and the nurse told me, "Maybe he speaks Spanish." so I asked him how he was doing in Spanish. he then pointedly looked at me and in perfect, coherent well pronunciated English, said, "I don't understand anything you are saying!" I then began to ask him other questions in English and he returned to his jibberish. It was strange.
1. OBGYN
During my OBGYN rotation about 6 wks ago, I was waiting for a young diabetic mother to deliver her baby. She was pushing hard and I was completely gowned up with mask, hair cover, tall booties included. The baby had passed meconium so the mother had been extra infused with fluids to dilute her amniotic fluid. As the baby emerged, i grabbed the head, pulled down, then up and the baby came out- WITH A SUDDEN GUSH OF FLUID LIKE NON OTHER. I have never seen so much fluid rush at me at one time before- like a firehydrant or someone throwing a bucket of dirty water into your face. I had the baby in my hands, and quickly transferred her to the nurse. And after the birth i paused...and realized that I was very very wet. the scrubs under my gown, and the undershirt under my scrubs...completely soaked through...with amniotic fluid. The mask that I had been wearing before ....was no longer on my face.
3. Internal Medicine
i had a drug seeking patient who was homeless, whose family has disowned her, and who last used heroine 3 days ago. She had a lot of chronic diseases (one being uncontrolled hepatitis C which is going to kill her), but she didn''t follow up with any doctor for them because she iwas enslaved to her drug addiction. Her body shows the awful affects of the IV drug use, one being a very large non-healing open hip wound. She is homeless, but her husband takes care of her even though she doesn't live with him and uses him badly.
I was telling my intern about her husband and he said,
intern: "her husband is crazy"
me: "no, he just loves her."
intern: "what kind of love is that?"
me: "that's the real kind of love, the unconditional kind."
::awkward pause::
intern: "don't tell my girlfriend that."
a hallway in psychiatry
I'm enjoying my psych rotation a lot. I've seen some crazy things. Something interesting happened last week. I had a patient with PTSD and major depression. When I talked to him wednesday and thursday he would continually talk about his past and how he was so ashamed of the things he had done, ex: beating his wife/kids in the past. I found out he was Catholic and he said he knew about God ever since he was a kid and would never leave Him but didn't go to church or anything. He was very glad to have me pray for him for those first couple of days and said he needed all the help he could get. He would talk about how he is very different now and can't believe his wife stayed with him but was very thankful for her and was amazed that she could forgive him.
I could tell that he carried a huge burden of guilt and shame. A couple weeks ago my Pastor quoted some psychiatrist who estimated that over half of all psychiatric patients could be healed if they understood true forgiveness. I started praying for my patient and prayed that I would have time to talk to him alone friday. So Friday i went into the hospital especially early, but when i tried to find him, he was nowhere to be found. I circles the unit 4-5x and went into his room and all the bathrooms only to be perplexed at his missing. I finally walked down some random hallway where I found him sitting alone in a chair in a small opening staring out the windows. I sat down next to him and we had a good little conversation about how he was feeling. i asked him if he still felt a lot of depression over the things he had done in the past and he affirmed it. the conversation went something like this:
me: have you talked with you wife about this?
him: oh yes, she knows I'm different now and she's so good to me.
me: So she's forgiven you then?
him: yes, i know it.
me: What about God? Do you think He has forgiven you?
him: No, God could never forgive me.
me: But you've known God since you were a kid. You think He's here to help you, right?
him: yeah, i know about God, i went to church growing up,,(etc conversation about his experience)
me: yeah, I grew up in church but i wasnt until later on that I understood some really important things, like Why Christ died. I carried a lot of guilt and shame and didn't know what to do with it. when I found out, it really changed my life and helped me a lot. Would it be helpful if I shared about my experience ?
him: yeah, I'd like that.
So that was the intro and the next 10 minutes or so I shared the Gospel with him. He really understood about all people being sinners and deserving death. He didn't know why Christ had to die so we talked about the penalty for sin is death and separation from God- and that Christ died to pay for the death penalty on our souls. For us. In our place. That he could be forgiven because Jesus was killed to take our punishment. that we could not make ourselves clean, but that only Christ's death could clean us and allow us to return to God.
He thought it was too good to be true.
but he thanked me for sharing. Maybe he was too depressed to hear good news.
I could tell that he carried a huge burden of guilt and shame. A couple weeks ago my Pastor quoted some psychiatrist who estimated that over half of all psychiatric patients could be healed if they understood true forgiveness. I started praying for my patient and prayed that I would have time to talk to him alone friday. So Friday i went into the hospital especially early, but when i tried to find him, he was nowhere to be found. I circles the unit 4-5x and went into his room and all the bathrooms only to be perplexed at his missing. I finally walked down some random hallway where I found him sitting alone in a chair in a small opening staring out the windows. I sat down next to him and we had a good little conversation about how he was feeling. i asked him if he still felt a lot of depression over the things he had done in the past and he affirmed it. the conversation went something like this:
me: have you talked with you wife about this?
him: oh yes, she knows I'm different now and she's so good to me.
me: So she's forgiven you then?
him: yes, i know it.
me: What about God? Do you think He has forgiven you?
him: No, God could never forgive me.
me: But you've known God since you were a kid. You think He's here to help you, right?
him: yeah, i know about God, i went to church growing up,,(etc conversation about his experience)
me: yeah, I grew up in church but i wasnt until later on that I understood some really important things, like Why Christ died. I carried a lot of guilt and shame and didn't know what to do with it. when I found out, it really changed my life and helped me a lot. Would it be helpful if I shared about my experience ?
him: yeah, I'd like that.
So that was the intro and the next 10 minutes or so I shared the Gospel with him. He really understood about all people being sinners and deserving death. He didn't know why Christ had to die so we talked about the penalty for sin is death and separation from God- and that Christ died to pay for the death penalty on our souls. For us. In our place. That he could be forgiven because Jesus was killed to take our punishment. that we could not make ourselves clean, but that only Christ's death could clean us and allow us to return to God.
He thought it was too good to be true.
but he thanked me for sharing. Maybe he was too depressed to hear good news.
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